ink marks on a blank page Thurs 22nd Jan

I have to tell you about the arcane delights of eating ripe nectarines straight from the tree. Perhaps this does not equate to such pursuits as winning the national Lottery and then being able to make monetary advances to George Clooney(wasn't he just so beautiful in 'Burn Without Reading') Yes I am a bloke, no I only bat with a straight bat and I can say stuff like that because (a) it is true (b)it is 2009(c) and if my bat was only slightly out of shape he would be the first I would pay money to.

But eating ripe nectarines is one of life's real pleasures, and straight off the tree is sublimity in a nutshell. First off I have to explain all about this particular nectarine tree. I (we) built this house about 9yrs ago now and as befits the way she wants to live one of the first things we put in was a compost bin. Yes, yes, I know the chickens are supposed to eat all the kitchen scraps, for heavens sake there are only two of them, you want the poor little things to burst? They stuff themselves with pasta anyway and sometimes are just to full and would rather sit in the dust and burp.
The second thing was the fabled chicken house, and about two weeks after the chicken house was all ready ,carpeted and fully fitted out with hot and cold running chickens the first batch of compost was spread around. Wonder of wonders in about three weeks a little tree started growing in front of the chicken hut. Pretty soon this little sprout grew into what my canny eye knew was a nectarine tree. Quoth I to her in my best imitation of George, that girl, hurrrumph, is a nectarine tree. "OO she trilled, now we will have lovely nectarines" Oh no says I, this is a self sown tree and as such will never bear fruit, however, because I am full of bonhomie and love for my chickens I will let it grow to provide shade and such like to the hens."My hero" she replied, you are so knowledgeable about life and things" "come she said, I will anoint your brow with unguents and cooling oils then prepare a sumptuous repast for you"
Actually I do stretch the truth somewhat. all she really did say was "what do you know" and then walked off.

The tree grew and darn well grew ,by next season it was about six ft. tall, almost that across. She kept saying how good the compost must be (she is in charge of that), all I could repeat was that because it was self sown, blah blah yudder yudder. Did I tell you that I was on an orchard (we had 8thou trees) as such I knew all about what grows or what don't. As a male also I am full of all sorts of great knowledge like that, practical stuff that only males very much like George Clooney seem to possess.

Was 'bout this time 2003 the robbi waltzed out early one morn to get the eggs and with jaw dropping/ double take/ shock horror/ awe noted that there were four nectarines growing on the by now ten foot tree. You guessed it,each year the tree grows even bigger and fruits like bunches of grapes. To make matters really worse the damn thing is one of the old white varieties that is the very best and sought after fruits, one that you never see in the greengrocers either.

Robbi Humble pie is one of my very favourites, as well, hers too. Happens heaps at chez robbi.

Fantastic isn't it Hortense. You know me well enough now and can attest to the fact that when I am wrong I will admit to it.No, I never have my fingers crossed, well maybe that once I did.

Barack? nope, can't see him ever having that(humble pie) on the menu at the White House. he seems to be a pretty clever chappie, one not prone to just shooting off his mouth without considering the consequences. Just jumped right into work too didn't he, our new bloke here did that as well, just as he said he would. Only one difference there though, Barack doesn't need a paper to read from, our bloke can't open his mouth without reams of it spilling out, and none of it makes sense either. They still think(our government) that their silly carbon trading scheme can just go ahead full steam and not cause any downturn in our economy. The only folk who will win out of this will be the people who get the licences to do the carbon trading, the folk who will suffer will be the OZ public and the businesses that will go under.Sure we humans have wrecked the planet, are we wholly to blame for global warming, not on your nellie, just ask the 650 eminent scientists who say we are not and that the Earth could be actually heading for another mini ice age.

Oh Hortense, no, gelato is off the menu tomorrow but I promise we will do it all again on Sunday 'Tis the great bike race tomorrow, that top Texan Lance Armstrong will be there also about 133 other bike riders all in stretch Lycra, you are blushing Horty old girl, that is a maidenly blush I see. You only go there to read the lettering on the Lycra Hortense, yes I guessed that